My Mom Is Gone

My mom died. These three words have shaken my world in ways I never imagined, and I find myself uttering them repeatedly because accepting their reality remains a constant struggle. Just two weeks ago, at the age of 64, my mom passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. We had spoken just two days before, and she was her usual chatty self. Mom was more than a parent; she was my sounding board and supporter, always ready to celebrate my milestones. An exceptional artist and a pillar of our family, she held us together with so much love and laughter. Whether it was good news or bad, I could always call her, but now, that comforting presence is gone.

Today, I want to share my feelings, questions, and emotions with you in the hope that my words may bring solace to others who have faced or will face a similar loss. While my typical blog posts carry a lighter tone with a touch of humor, today, I find myself unable to muster any humor. I worry if I’ll ever laugh again. I understand it might sound dramatic, but for those who’ve experienced such a loss, you’ll understand the depth of this despair. People say time will heal, but if someone could just give me a glimpse of when, it would be greatly appreciated.

Expressing Grief

My mom’s passing has left me struggling with a wide range of emotions, and I’m sure many of you can relate. Questions haunt me: Why her? Why now? Why do some people, older or less healthy, continue to live while she’s gone? It’s a tormenting puzzle, and I know I’m not alone in asking these questions. The pain is still fresh, the wounds raw. She had so many plans – a children’s book for each grandchild (her first one published just a month ago), appointments scheduled, and countless ‘someday’ plans and dreams. It’s this sudden shift that truly shakes me to my core, a reminder that life can change in an instant. Intellectually, I’ve always understood this fact, but it’s in moments like these that its harsh reality truly hits home.

Navigating Grief

Grief takes us on an unpredictable journey, and everyone handles it differently. My siblings and I, for instance, have our own unique ways of coping. Some find solace in Mom’s videos, while others can’t bear to watch them just yet. As for me, there are moments when her voice and videos bring a smile to my face, but then there are times when they leave me shattered. Grief is like a sudden storm that appears out of nowhere, drenching us with sorrow when we least expect it. It robs us of our breath at the most unexpected moments. It also created a deep bond among my siblings, one that I now hold dear and value immensely. Each of us possesses unique strengths, and during the first week after losing our mom, those strengths were put to the test. I’m immensely proud of how we united to support our dad and create a farewell that honors our mom and her memory–one that I hope would make her proud. My dad lost his best friend and now it’s our turn to surround him with love and support.

Writing as a Healing Tool

I’ve heard that journaling can be a powerful tool in the healing process, whether you’re dealing with the loss of a loved one or facing other challenges like PTSD. It can help us find pockets of gratitude amidst the darkness. While I’ve explored this in one of my previous blog posts, right now, I feel drawn to share my grief with you through this medium. I hope my words resonate with you, even if you’ve never experienced this level of grief. The reality is that, at some point in our lives, we all will. My greatest wish is that my sharing brings some comfort, understanding, and the knowledge that you are not alone in your journey.

Conclusion

Losing a loved one is an experience that changes us forever. As I navigate through my own grief, I want to extend my hand to anyone facing a similar path. I plan to continue sharing my experiences through the grief, and I hope you will join me on this journey. Let’s share our stories, our pain, and our strength. Together, we can find solace, heal, and honor the memory of our loved ones.

I’d like to share some pictures of my mom with you, images that hold a special place in my heart. The ache of missing her is a physical presence within me. In moments like these, I long to call her, as I always have. Perhaps I will, but who will remind me to ‘watch for deer’ when I leave to go home?

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25 Comments

  1. Beautifully written Verity! I find I’m experiencing grief in a very similar manner and reading this made me feel less alone. Mom would be proud of you!!

  2. Verity beautifully said. Your memories will always be with you. Cherish them. You are loved by so many. Love you my friend!

  3. Verity,
    There’s only one word I can share with you and that’s (Time) Time stands still when the unspeakable happens, and in that moment Time is what we long for and eventually Time is what heals us.
    It’s a journey of every emotion unimaginable. Emotions that you’ve been experiencing from the very moment you heard those 3 words.
    What I can say for certainty is write about it, talk about it-lean into your family and friends and foremost Pray about it!
    I promise you that when you Pray and ask God for what you truly need (only you know the need) he will give it to you-and when he does those questions you long for won’t matter. You have to believe to receive it🤍
    You will soon come to realize that you can’t put a Time line on Grief because it never truly goes away, we just learn how to live life a little differently.
    Forever speak her name, it will bring more comfort than you even realize!
    Thank you for sharing your Truth Verity!
    I Love you my Beautiful Friend and I’m always here! Always ♥️

  4. Verity, you have lots of memories of your mom that will stay with you forever. I have so many memories of my dad that I hold dear to my heart. I also have lots of memories of your mom when growing up together. When I loss my dad she was with me. I know that she is with the Lord and that brings comfort to me. Hugs and Prayers for you and your family.

  5. Verity,Thank you so much for putting down the words and thoughts that are in your heart . As we go through life,we are thinking that our parents are invisible, that nothing could touch them, Then all of the sudden it does, it hits us right between the eyes. The pain, hurt, & sadness does not go away, ever, but in Time, your heart won’t feel like it wants to come out if your chest and you can swallow again without feeling the lump. The blessings that we can cherish is that God chose our wonderful parents just for us to love them as they love us. Yes, sharing,talking, and remembering keeps them with us forever. I’m here for you just to listen or share. Love you Verity 🙏🙏❤️❤️ Trust in him, always .

    1. Thank you Tina. When you say “swallow again without feeling the lump”–that is exactly right. It brings me comfort to know that it will get better. Thank you for describing the feelings so eloquently.

  6. Verity I am so glad you started this blog when you did. No one could have known that it would be a place for you to have an opportunity to express your heartfelt feelings and maybe be just what someone else needed to hear. Just reflecting on the part about how each of you are dealing with missing your mom and how the way you change the way you handle it is just a great reminder that everyone mourns in a different way and no one can tell you how or when it will get easier. You have to accept what ever emotion you feel at the time and embrace the random things at random times that make you think of your mom. I appreciate you saying your mom had a list of plans and things going on because that is such a huge thing to remind you how precious life is and you need to always remember tomorrow isn’t promised. As for me I am repeating this to myself as a reminder to cherish my days and count my blessings. And lastly for you I want to say eat that cotton candy every time you want it. Love you my friend and praying for comfort and peace for you and all of your moms loved ones.

    1. Oh boy, do you know me or what?! I do love some cotton candy, as did Mom. I would usually get her some at Christmas. I had not thought about how me starting this blog does come at an interesting time. I know you have taken all of this to heart based on the chats we have had. I appreciate you, my sweet friend!

  7. Verity, thanks for sharing your grief, I share it with you only in a different way….I wake daily thinking of your mom I still can’t wrap my head around it she was a dear friend. Love and prayers continue for you and your special family.

  8. Verity, well written..grief is hard…but hope thru your faith and loved ones you can find some healing. She was a very special lady,and I am glad I wS able to call her my friend..

  9. Oh, Verity. Your words regarding your grief are so raw. Thank you for opening your broken heart to help others as well as heal in your own way and time. Big hugs to you.

  10. Verity, thank you for being so open and honest in sharing your thoughts and feelings about losing your mom. It hit me when I read, “The reality is that, at some point in our lives, we all will” experience this level of grief. I haven’t experienced a loss like this yet, and I appreciate you helping me to understand more about the process for the future. Your mom would be so proud of you. Much love and hugs.

  11. Beautifully written. Grief really does take over our bodies and we will never understand “the why.” Unless you’ve been through it you will never know the deep physical pain it can cause. I am so very sorry for what you are going through, trust me I completely understand. I wish for the pain to leave you and your heart to mend. I’m always here if you need to talk .

    1. Thank you Danielle. I have to admit that I am a bit anxious to sit in your chair again for this very reason. You were the one with me when I first learned this terrible news. I hope you have a lot to update me on during our next visit so I can stay distracted, lol!

  12. Verity, my heart goes out to you and aches at your painful loss. Your words are beautiful and I pray that they bring you and your family comfort. She was so beautiful like you.
    I’ve lost my father and praise God that I still have my mom. I can tell you that yes, the grief comes in waves. After time, I think you will see that those waves and meltdowns tend to be strengthening in some way. I feel kind of washed by the sadness and sometimes renewed after. Time is the key. Time softens the pain and sorrow.
    I always think God needed another angel to do his work and I imagine my Dad with giant wings. I know we will be reunited some day and that he is enjoying his grandchildren up there.
    God bless you my friend.

    1. Thank you for taking the time to read this Laury. For reasons I cannot explain it seems to really help sharing the grief and knowing people take the time to read it. I am usually a very private person, but this is different somehow. I appreciate what you say about how you feel washed by the sadness and then renewed. I think I am already starting to understand that a little bit. Thank you my friend!

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