Eight Weeks Without Mom

My mom died – 8 weeks ago. Thursdays are slowly becoming just Thursdays again…sometimes. While I haven’t shared my thoughts recently, I write when the words naturally flow, and the need arises. This does seem to happen on Thursdays, but my hope is as time passes, I will quit marking Thursdays as I do now.

Life continues to move on all around me, and most days, I move along with it. Yet, there are those moments, those instances that come out of nowhere that make my knees buckle. Where I grit my teeth to get out of the store to the safety of my car or get off the phone before the other person hears me fighting down that lump in my throat. The random triggers of memories, in turn, awaken both sorrow and joy.

“Whenever grief tries to steal the beauty of your memories, just remember, love never dies.”

UknOwn

Quotes often provide comfort and understanding during challenging times. They bring me comfort and make me feel understood. It reminds me that so many have walked this path before me and are still standing. I want to share some with you as they relate to where I am currently at. Some remind me of the sadness, the loss. Others make me smile and remind me to appreciate.

“Grief is the price we pay for love.”

Queen Elizabeth II

The persistent hollowness serves as a constant reminder of the void left by the loss. Learning to live around it is an ongoing process, acknowledging that the path ahead will be forever changed.

“The simple and bitter truth is that you grieve for your loved ones as long as you live.”

Unknown

I find myself grappling with questions: “How will I let it affect me? In what ways will I choose to live my life differently going forward?” These contemplations lead me to a crossroads. Do I succumb to the sadness and darkness, allowing grief to cast a perpetual shadow? Or do I strive to seek the light, navigating towards healing and cherishing the memories of my mom? It becomes a poignant choice—to let grief define my existence or to honor my mom’s legacy by living a life that would make her proud.

“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you’ll learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again, but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.”

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler

While it could have been worse, the suddenness and shock of her departure remain jarring. There was no warning, no opportunity to express all the words I should have shared, and no chance for one more chance to tease her. In these moments, Morgan Matson’s words resonate profoundly:

“A thousand moments I had taken for granted, mostly because I assumed there would be a thousand more.”

Morgan Matson

It captures the heartache of realizing the permanence of loss and the fragility of the time we assume we have.

Amid the tears, memories of my mom’s playful moments as “Nana” to my kids bring smiles and laughter. Mom loved to laugh, to be silly with her grandkids. As I go through pictures, there are so many examples of times she spent drawing and coloring, doing puzzles, eating junk food, and just having conversations with my kids. Those memories bring a smile to my face, make me laugh, and make me appreciate the time she had with all of us.

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

Winnie the Pooh

The tears continue to flow, seemingly without end at times. Grief has become intertwined with my identity – a silent scream within me that no one else can hear. It’s a solitary path, and I’m acutely aware that each person’s journey through grief is as unique and individual as a fingerprint. While others may understand the pain, the experience is deeply personal and cannot be fully shared or replicated.

I hope that some of these sentiments resonate with you, and I invite you to find solace in the quotes I’ve shared. Below, you’ll discover more that hold personal meaning for me. As we approach the holiday season, let’s cherish precious moments with our loved ones, forging new memories while holding close those we’ve lost in our hearts. Maya Angelou beautifully captures the enduring spirit of my mother’s great soul:

“A great soul serves everyone all the time. A great soul never dies. It brings us together again and again.”

Maya Angelou

“It takes strength to make your way through grief, to grab hold of life and let it pull you forward.”

– Patti Davis

“One day we will remember how lucky we were to have known their love, with wonder, not grief.”

– Elizabeth Postle

“What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes part of us.”

– Helen Keller

“It’s an honor to be in grief. It’s an honor to feel that much, to have loved that much.”

– Elizabeth Gilbert

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2 Comments

  1. Those quotes are so perfect. Such a testament to your mom. We should all strive to be a person who those quotes could comfort when we are gone. I love your mom’s Christmas spirit so much. Praying that your holidays together will not be filled with loss but sharing the memories of things she did or would have been doing. Take the time to laugh and enjoy all of those memories. “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard” ❤️

  2. I could not have said that more beautifully. Having a love, caring, sharing smile of your mother shows through you Miss Verity. you will have bad days good days and at point you will be able to swallow without that lump in your throat, but always remember through your heart through the memories through your eyes through your voice your mom lives on. Thank you again for sharing , we are always here for you my friend.

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